The end

The end is approaching fast. School will be over in a few weeks. I can't believe it 4.5 years and it's almost over. It doesn't seem real I feel like I'm still a 16 year old girl in high school not a 22 year old wife, mother, and college student. Not only is school almost over my baby will be 2 on December 4th. That is unbelievable too. It feels like she should still be one. She showing signs of the terrible two. She doesn't listen, tells me no, stop, shut up. It's all bad but she will listen to her daddy and I don't know why she spend way more time with me than with him. Hey what can you do they grow out of this stage.
I think this is going to be one of my poorest Christmas. I'm glad kalynn isn't old enough to notice that she isn't getting any presents from me this year. I guess I never thought things would get this bad for me. All I can say is to keep my head up and get a job.

I need a job

This semester was the first time I wasn't working while I was in school. I thought that I could actually make it through December on just my school money but children are expensive. Over half of my financial aid was spent on daycare for my baby. I need to find a job so I can finish out the semester. I didn't want to get a job until I graduated so I could find a job in the field I was going to school for. I don't even know where to start looking for a job. All of the job search engines have little jobs. I haven't been in school for the last four and a half years to only find jobs at Circle-k and Ross. So if anyone knows of a good job int the finance field please let me know

halloween

I can't believe its Halloween again. The thing that I think is most ironic is that it falls on a Sunday. The day that you are suppose to go to church and be holly is the same day that probable over half of the country is going to be dressed up in costumes. I think that is really strange. My friend Sarah loves this holiday, but I could care less. It is a big party day if you are old enough. When I was little we weren't allowed to celebrate Halloween. We could go to the school parties, but we couldn't get dressed up and go trick or treating. I don't know if I'm going to allow Kalynn to celebrate it. I guess if she really wants to i'll let her but if she doesn't I won't force her. I guess I just never saw the big deal about Halloween.

It will get better

This week has not been a very good week. I feel really bad. I feel like I have the flu, but with none off the sickness just the body aches. The real thing I want to talk about is for those people who want commit suicide don't do it. If you die or survive all you will do is cause your family pain. People do love you, and people will be hurt if you are not around. I know you don't feel like it at that moment, but you are loved. Doing that is one of the most selfish thing a person can do. I know its cliche but you are doing a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you feel that bad go talk to some one. Always remember God put you on this earth for a reason. Take a breath, count it out, do whatever you have to do before you try to end your life. This is not all your life has to offer things will get better.

Break...Yea Right

Thursday started my college's fall break. Technically it was suppose to be two days, but it fell on a Thursday. So it gave us a four day weekend. Normally when you think of a break its a time to go on vacation or just relax and not think about school. Well not this break. I have multiply papers due and like three test. Not to mention the other little assignments due on Monday and Tuesday since we didn't go to class Thursday and Friday. So this "break" hasn't been relaxing at all. I haven't been able to breath without thinking about what is due for my next class. I am almost to my breaking point. It seems like every week I have so much work due that its becoming overwhelming. The only thing I can due is suck it up and get through it because this is my last semester. I have to pass all of my classes or I wont be able to graduate in December. So whoever reads this keep my in you prayers because I really need all the help I can get.

what are people thinking?

What would possess a person to leave a child in a car for hours. The whole summer it felt like that was on the news everyday. The dangers of leaving you kids in the car, how hot it can get, and whats been happening to the mothers who leave there babies in the car. Somehow people keep doing it. A women the other day in Coushatta left her two children in a car. There have been many stories going around, but she hasn't said a word of what really happened. The first story is she puts her kids in the car as punishment for getting on her nerves and that day i guess she left them in the car two long. I don't care how annoying Kalynn is being I deal with it, send her to the couch to sit, or the bedroom. I would never send her to a hot car to think about what she's done. What is she going to learn how to die? The next story has so many holes in it. The lady was going to get on the WIC bus, and her two youngest kids followed her. She told them to go back inside with there grandpa. When she came home she asked where were the kids. He said he thought they were with her so they go look for them, and found them in the car dead. First the children are one and three if you tell them to go back inside you are either going watch them go back inside, or you are going to walk them back inside. You aren't going to leave kids that young outside by themselves. Second the car they were found in was an old car that didn't work. I don't know how many people have opened the door of a old metal car, but those doors are heavy. I can barely open one of those doors and I'm 22. So I know a one and three years old kids can't open the door and crawl into the car. It's very hard for me to believe the second story. The first one people are crazy look at how many people beat and kill there babies on purpose every year. The numbers are crazy. iI don't know how people can live with the guilt of killing your children. Not only will you lose the life of your child but your own life will be gone. Even when you get out of jail your life is going to be hard. Hearing this story made me so mad and I needed to tell someone about it.

Adventures in motherhood

It seems like everyday keeps getting harder and harder. I teach Kalynn, my daughter, one new thing and its like she forgets five things she already knew. I've been trying to potty train her for about five months and she still hasn't caught on. She says potty, pulls down her pants, and will sit on the potty for five ten minutes and do absolutely nothing. As soon as I pull her pull up up she pottys and I have to change her and she cries. She's never like being changed. The first few weeks of her life she couldn't potty. She had to get a suppository everyday in order for her to use the bathroom it was horrible. She couldn't potty in a dirty diaper she would push out a little bit just enough for you to know she potty and as soon as you changed her she would push out the rest in a clean diaper. I can't wait until shes potty trained it will save me 20 a week on pull ups.
For the past few days she wont let me move in my sleep with out her. She can be sound a sleep and as soon as I get up from the bed I hear her coming down the hall crying like I left her and was never coming back.
Her talking is getting worse instead of better. I guess the workers at the daycare say baby a lot because Kalynn now says baby at the end of every sentence. I can understand the first word she says and the last word but not much else. If you say something and tell her to repeat it she will say it clear as day. I don't know it shes talks unclear on purpose or that is just how she talks. The lady's at the daycare says she can talk really good, and shes the boss over all of the other kids so really i don't know.
Once I get the talking and the potty draining over with I hope it gets easier.